I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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