Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
babies were throwing up all over the place
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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