OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
