I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
