he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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