for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
