i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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