You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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