So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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