Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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