something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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