I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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