I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
