My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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