The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
