i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
