I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
