I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
