Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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