He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
