Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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