Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
