Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
