We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
