community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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