Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
