he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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