she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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