the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
