did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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