im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
