Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
