so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
