Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
