i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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