There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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