Plan B is the new Plan A
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
