I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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