Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
