My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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