dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
