Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
