Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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