loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
