Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Congratulations! We have a period
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
