at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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