So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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