I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
