What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
