I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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