i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
